Grown enough?

Resolutions, as i used to call them, of not having 'indulgences'. Yeah, i am talking about the couplet of drinking and smoking.

The evolution of ideologies:

1987: The bugger called Rishu was just born and knew nothing about anything

Early 1990s:

Saw Dad and his friends having 'something' during their get-together in a room where we were told, in no uncertain terms, that our entry is prohibited. While Dad rarely, if ever, smoked, packs of 'Panama' brand cigarettes was a common sight in Grandpa' closet. At that time, things were so placed, that i wanted to have them just to have the feeling of grown-up. (It was a similar reason why i wanted to ride dad's scooter and drive his car too, 'some day' of course, for the sheer desire of somebody considering me into the elite category of 'grown-ups'.

Mid 90s:

Realized, by plain observation, that one loses consciousness when he drinks too much. Primarily, my uncle (Dad's elder brother) 'led' me to believe this. As for smoking, it was something that causes a cough, severe irreversible coughing at that. No intentions to have indulgences. Of course, the above-mentioned desire continued to exist.

In my teens:

One fine day i was gossiping with a schooltime pal of mine, Reeshav. The discussion somehow came to this subject. I opined that i will definitely chew tobacco, smoke cigarettes and consume alcohol some day after i grow up, rationale for this being that it is an unsaid law that one is supposed to follow once he's big enough! My friend differed. Not that he said that he'll never do any of it. He said that he'll never chew tobacco. To my opinion, he reacted "It's all about one's resolution and one's self-control".

Why then, can't one take a resolution, not to do any of the evil 'trinity'? This question, though never asked, remained unanswered. That was the beginning of mental conflict. The end of it is still to come.

During HSC

(Akin to the time when one is considered to be maturing enough) I had almost decided that i'll never do any of it. Besides, our finances too didn't permit any indulgence. I'd stay happy and satisfied with chutki and thums-up, and forever. Not to mention that i despised young guys who got into any or all of this, i was firmly resolved to stick to it and never, never ever, have any of it.

Graduation:

August '06: I was in Malaysia, my first abroad trip after multiple visits to Nepal, on a Bajaj Auto sponsored distributor reward program. Me, my business partner, and distributors from across the countries formed a group of 40 odd 'Bajaj Group' (as our Singaporean tour guide used to call us). 60% of the group was in late 20s or 30s, few were in 40s, while my partner-cum-room-mate and one Mr. Rao were in their 50s. I was 18, due to turn 19 in less than 2 months, so used to say (if and when some-one asked) that 'I am 19'. I was the second youngest member of the contingent, the youngest being 2 year old 'Pratham, son of a wonderful Lucknow based couple, and in no time everyone used to call me "Mr. 19". On one visit to a Genting casino, i was prevented from sneaking in because it was meant for '21 and above' and so was asked to take care of Pratham, while his parents, and everyone else, have fun in what was Malaysia's largest casino at that time. Can't imagine how much that fumed me! In another way, that was when my 'desire' to be considered big enough was at its peak. Well, that desire cost me, and cost me dearly. I forced myself to go to Crazy Horse, a topless show, because every other grown-up person was going (Naresh Uncle, Of course, promised that he won't leak it to my Dad!) All those couples who used to take a shot at my young age was going and it was my chance to prove to them that i wasn't a kid anymore. Price: 2500 Indian bucks (85 SGD). THe price included a drink of choice. 2 oldies ordered juice and the 'grown-ups' ordered whisky. While i was thinking, in came the nasty remark "Oye Mr. 19...tere ko juice peena ho to hum baahar chal ke 2 glass peela denge, yahaan pe tu juice le ke paise waste mat kariyo...we'll get whisky in place of that." "Mild Beer for me", i ordered immediately. I don't know what purpose it served (or did the perception about me, for which i care a little too much, change after that or not) but that was the first instance of an indulgence for me. The feeling however was good. Beer was ok types but my source of pleasure was the fact that i was actually drinking beer. And about the 100-minute show? Well, comments reserved!

Thereafter, i was resolute enough not to do any of it again. Because, i was convinced that i won't do any of it. A substantial source of strength of that 'internal locus of control' was my Singapore based cousin. During the same visit, i found that out. Bhaiya parties, he socializes, all of it in a circle wherein everyone smokes and drinks, and still, he doesn't do any of it. My admiration of him has only grown ever since. There was however a marked change in another belief of mine. I started realizing that while the trinity is 'bad' the guys who drink/ smoke aren't 'bad' necessarily and that belief was the foundation of something that was to follow.

For 2 years (until July '08) that was my first and last indulgence. Then came Goa (GIM) . almost half of my batch-mates were firmly resolved against the trinity. Eventually, the other half had the better of me! As for smoking, i was firmly committed to non-smoking.

Over last 15 months, i had beer (only beer) - some 5-6 times - only on occasions like freshers' party and farewell, and every time it was complimentary. Till date i have only purchased it once - a bottle of Kingfisher in Daman. Largely, i was committed (until almost a month ago), to not consuming alcohol and tobacco, not even non-vegetarian food.

A review:

August '06: My first beer (and C.H. too)

September '08: My first (and second last) Hukka (which i still don't know how to do properly)

September '09: My first and last cigarette (just took it twice in my mouth after which it was snatched and thrown away!)

26th October '09: My first whiskey!

That answers the titled question, i guess :)